Before You Judge Me, Please Read

Ever since I can remember, I was told by my doctor that I would not be able to have children, ever. I took that as a green flag and had my own fun when I felt like it. I had a steady boyfriend for several years. Nothing happened for 4 years, 5 years... As a result I no longer even viewed sex as something other than physical pleasure and emotional connection. But really, either or. Definitely not something you must do to create a child. Well, low and behold, 10 weeks ago I had sex and somehow, very luckily or unluckily...however you want to look at it, got pregnant. The Father and I are not in a relationship nor have we ever been. It was simply for physical pleasure, which I think almost makes the entire situation less messy and easier. I don't expect him to jump in and marry me. He says he's not ready to be a Dad but will help me and the child with whatever is needed. Maybe it's me trying to make light of things, but I am OK with that. I think a father figure is a father figure no matter the age, and a father that wants to be a father is better than one that doesn't. For that reason, I plan on having my own father be the father figure in my child's life. As I have not told my parents yet, I don't know his reaction yet, but I'm hoping he will be thrilled. I don't want my child to have it's real father and know and feel that he never wanted to BE his father.

I'm trying to wait a few more weeks before I tell my parents as I feel I should be there in person to tell them. I am across the country in school right now and will be going home for the summer. I don't feel that it's fair or right to tell them on the phone. They will not be expecting this by any means, and will be as shocked as I was if not more.

Several weeks ago I started having weird symptoms and I was sure I had the flu, or was dying, obviously, when it didn't go away after 2 weeks. I had morning sickness that lasted all day and was dizzy. Got heartburn. Chills. And then missed my period. Being in Med school you know I'm too proud to actually go to the doctor so I was racking my brain trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Then my skin got really nice and ..literally..glowy. I was doing my makeup and thinking how great it was that my skin was looking so beautiful, and then I put all of it together all of a sudden. I was thinking "nooo" in my head, that's just not possible, but I went and got pregnancy tests anyways. I took 3 that came out positive, freaked out, cried for a couple hours, didn't sleep, and then went to the doctor the next day. He confirmed it and ran a bunch of tests, one of which was a genetic test because of my medical history. I don't feel comfortable going into all of that and what it is whatever. From that particular test I was notified that the baby is entirely healthy in every aspect, which is WONDERFUL!

I have never wavered, not for one second, that I will keep the baby. And anyone that wants to try and convince me otherwise can just go to hell. Taking another human being's LIFE is never, not ever, an option. I know a lot of people will give me a hard time about being pregnant this young and being single in the process, as I have already had people saying things, and you're welcome to your opion, but also understand that I have a plan. I'm not sure exactly what the plan is yet, but I will make it happen. I will figure things out. I WILL manage to finish med school, I will give my child the love and support it needs, I won't live in a trailor and have 50 tattoos, and I'm not an idiot.